Tag Archives: lol
So, this girl I went to elementary school with and hadn’t seen for a while added me on facebook. I remembered her as being fat and unsightly, so I was at first reluctant to accept her friend request. Then something amazing happened, I remembered I fuck fat, ugly bitches all the time! After adding her, I was pleasantly surprised to see that she was now hot. I figured, reformed fatty, gotta hit this bitch up… After going back and forth through chat and then texts, she asked me if she could come down from her college and stay at my place for the long holiday weekend coming up. I said yes. I drove nearly 2 hours to her school and then back to my apartment, where I informed her it was time to get naked. Upon her doing this I saw 2 or 3 long hairs hanging from each nipple. Disgusted, I handed her some tweezers and sent her off to the bathroom to dispose of them, and then pounded her out a few times when she returned. Immediately after, she started to become highly irritating, so I told her there was a family emergency and I would need to drop her off at the bus station the next morning. She said she had no money for a bus, I said I’d pay for it, that was a lie, yadda yadda yadda… We arrived at the terminal and I had her go in to check the time for the next bus leaving towards her destination. As soon as she stepped inside I threw her bags into the parking lot and sped off. My friends and I immaturely prank called her for weeks afterword. Moral of the story- Fat girls are still fat girls even when they are not fat anymore. The end.
Remember when I told you I had a dream I fucked your mom on Thanksgiving night? What really happened was I stayed up with her all night after you passed out from drinking those margaritas she kept making me every 10 min. We snuck into the guest room and fucked like rabbits. Oh yeah…you have a new baby brother on the way. Your mom should be letting you know tonight since she finally got your faggot father to fuck her after 3 years.
I was sitting here thinking if I am the only one who ever just get’s boner’s and put’s things on it to see if they can lift it , like cock lifting? For the longest time when I am sitting in bed or the couch I grab my remotes to see how much I can lift of how many times I can do it and geezzeee it’s a work out. What if we actually worked out our cock’s they actually got muscles like our arms and girl’s went all crazy about it. I can just picture other girl’s saying omg did you see Mike’s cock muscles? I can tell he has been working that dick out!” If you have never tried this and you are bored just put something on your dick and see how many time’s you can lift something because it’s actually fun and wastes time; who know’s if you do it enough you might even get some muscles down there. I really hope in the future cock lifting becomes a sport. I would definitely rank in the top 10 in the world of cock lifter’s.
Michael Smith : ) http://facebook.com/uncensoredthoughts
I’m not proud of the time I got really fucked up and got on Craigslist and fucked this fat married DJ in his van. His Dick was fucking tiny as fuck, and he was creepy, during sex he kept saying “You’re my girl, you’re daddies fucking girl”. Gaggg, to this day he still emails me wanting to fuck and says I’m the best pussy he has ever had. I’m scarred for life. Every time I see a tall bald chubby guy I cringe. Don’t judge me!
One day I had to bring in a video that I did for health class on safe sex. The video had to be a scene where you and the people in your group reject offers of sex. It was early in the morning, so I grabbed the 1st tape I saw in my closet. I didnt pay attention to what the box said, I just took it out and brought it to school. When we put the tape in and pushed play the teacher got called out of the room for a second because the principal needed to see her. She took the tv controls with her as well…So we popped in the video and it was the wrong one! It was my gay porn and that is how my friend’s, school, and family found out my secret. Fuck my life.
This happened about 5 year’s ago before I ever had my first taste of sushi . Well one night I was with my girlfriend at the time and I get a call from my mom asking if we wanted to join her and my step dad for sushi and I was like well yeah I never ate the shit and plus they were paying so I said yes. So we get there and I’m trying to figure out wtf is going to taste good so my mom says start off with a California roll because I guess that is the beginners sushi. We are sitting there talking and then the food comes and I go to eat the sushi and to my surprise I was hooked so I started trying all types of shit but not knowing the rice would expand in my stomach within 15 mins or so. I leave the place happy and we are driving back home and out of no where I had to fart but instead I ended up shitting my pants hardcore and it even started to soak through my jeans and my girlfriend is gagging trying to put her head out the window dying for fresh air. We find the nearest gas station and I know I can’t go inside with shit stains and it dripping so she goes to the trunk and get’s me some clothes lying around so I can wipe myself before I go in and clean myself up. I look around and pull my pants down with one foot outside the door while wiping this shit fest and as I’m doing it a cop pulls up right next to us and I’m freaking trying to get back in the car but it was too late and he look’s confused asking me what the problem was so I had to explain what happened and he started crying almost and let me go home. I had to go home and finish my business with shit covered shirts and pants but at least I didn’t get arrested which I think the only reason was because he didn’t want the cruiser to smell like shit and clean it up . Anyways point of this is if you are a newb to sushi just pace yourself and only eat like 4 to 6 pieces so you don’t shit yourself and make a big mess and almost get arrested. Your’s truly Michael Smith <3